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He'll never see my horrible murder

I'm in high school and I have a boyfriend who's already in college. Let's call him Adam. He's mega-handsome and has a lot of chicks around him, I'm notoriously jealous and he's the reason I got complexes. The point is, I'm rather average. I'm less than he is, I'm not that feisty and I'm terribly afraid of running away from me. Yeah, yeah, you'll probably say that if he's with me, he loves me as I am. It's easy to say when you don't see me or his girlfriends... ...they're all mega pretty. Older than me, they dress better, they're prettier and more mature. I feel like a neglected gimbus, even though I take care of myself. I spend all my savings on investing in myself - I do eyelashes every 3 weeks, the same with my nails. Every day since dawn I am carefully painted, even when I don't have any plans, because Adam can always just write "send me a self-made man" and then what? I'll show him without wallpaper? It may be a little scary, but I'm so insecure that... Adam has never seen me without my makeup. And he won't. Even when I'm sleeping with him, I just pretend I'm going to go wash off the wallpaper and actually wipe the undercoat lightly. My eyelashes are fake, my eyebrows are painted, and he, as a guy, fortunately, has no idea about it and just thinks that "without makeup I'm pretty too". He wouldn't. Without makeup, I look like a squirrel-albino in advanced leukemia. I can't look at myself. I can't imagine his pretty girlfriends right away. Adam is so handsome that if he saw my horrible face without makeup, he would surely run away. It's hard to live with, but that's what it looks like. If we're still together, I swear to death, he won't see my murder without a trim. Terrible, huh?


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