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Help... history

I've stopped coping. This whole situation is getting mental. I'm eating, I'm not eating. A few down,a few up. I feel bad in my body, too much, too much, too much... I eat, sometimes I spit out, because I realize I eat too much. I sit by the toilet, two fingers, after all, everything I ate would suddenly disappear, less calories, less food in my stomach... But no, I don't have the courage, I think about the family, about the fact that I don't want to end up in a psychiatrist's chair, someone holds my hand, doesn't let me... Lately I've made up my mind that I don't deserve everything I have because "I'm too fat", that there's nothing to like me because "I'm too fat". That's sick. I'm in a vortex. I'm destroying myself. I like to eat, I want to eat, I want to be skinny, to feel good about myself. IT CAN BE COMBINED. But I can't. The first stretch marks came, it made me feel even more deadly. I'm getting fat, I'm on a diet and I'm getting fat, more me, more me... I can't help you anymore.


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