Such a great mommy...
For a very long time I have been reading all these confessions and I have decided it is my turn to confess my own. As long as I can remember, my mother has been physically and mentally abusing me. She always challenged me from rags and to**w, even when I was 5 or 6 years old. She beat me with what and where it went. She always beat me for the smallest mistakes and challenged me. She forbade me to do everything, I could never go out with my friends, she always made me sit at home and clean up. After school I went home, she made me make dinner, clean up or do laundry and go shopping because she said that no one's a maid is and won't do everything alone forever.
I would like to add that she never worked because she said that she wouldn't take her anywhere with her condition, so she sat at home all day long and played on the computer. When I wanted to go somewhere after school it was a brawl. When I was making dinner and something burned a little bit in my face, then she challenged me from my donors, that I will not achieve anything in my life, that nobody will want me, etc., etc. There was eternal terror in the house. When we started arguing, she started to beat me up, with a cable, with a strap, she didn't look where she got it, she called out, took the phone and locked me in the room and left, saying that I would sit there like a dog. When I was little and afraid of something, I couldn't even come to her, because she always made me sleep*** and leave her alone, and when I was still crying, she could take me - as a little child - and throw me on the floor or stairs, jerk my head and neck, then kick and call out. She could put a knife to my throat more than once, saying that she would slap me and she would have a holy peace, and more than once she choked me too. I was always afraid of her, it wasn't a respect for her anymore, and the fear that I would get it again. I remember that I could never meet anyone because she said that my boyfriends were getting to her. This never happened. A 50-year-old woman with a 20-year-old boyfriend claimed that. And she forbade me... I often had, body wounds, nails knocked into my hand or a contusion in my eye, which she powder coated so that nothing could be seen in school. I couldn't ask anyone for help, because I got even more.
I never had the money, she took everything away from me, claiming she needed nothing. She was able to forbid me to move any food in the house for a few days. I was always polite and calm, because of the terror in the house, I was afraid to drink any alcohol or smoke a cigarette because I knew what was going to happen. During an argument she would talk to all my friends about what an alcoholic and a junkie and a rag and everything else. Nobody believed her, and I was ashamed of her mother. She could write or call my friends and try to slander me. It was the worst time of my life until I moved out. Now I'm an adult and I don't have any contact with her because she's not a mother. Mother doesn't act like that. But she says she's a good person and she hasn't done anything wrong in her life.
She never told me she loved me, she never apologized because she said it was my fault. She kicked me out of the house. She said it was for my own good. I've already opened up to people, but the trauma is still there. I don't like screaming or violence. I've become depressed and in strong anxiety, which I've been treating so far. I live far away from her and I've been arranging my life, I've found a boy who has shown me great support and a lot of forbearance. And I know that you can live quite normally without screams and violence. My children won't know their grandmother for sure, and I won't be such a mother to my children.