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first love

Hey I'm 20 years old and I'm not sure where I'm from or what my name is. I've been thinking about suicide for a year but why didn't I do it? I'm afraid. I don't believe I don't know if there's a life after death. but my problem is that when I was about 15 I went to a new school and met new "friends" I wanted to be perfect for them even though I knew it was wrong and worth being myself. I met a year later the boy we didn't like each other until we were together and although everyone said leave it to him I was with him anyway. he showed me what it's like when you feel free and you don't have to submit to someone. I was in love with the world. I was in love up to my ears until a bad day when a boy told me he loved me we had an appointment for 20 I came to an appointment but he wasn't there then I found out he was in the hospital and that's how I found out he had leukemia. His decision? He doesn't want to be treated. I didn't want him to die but he wanted to. I remember his last words to me that I should be happy and not wear that ugly dress at his funeral. in the end he gave me a chain with our picture together inside. it was a short but happy love and at 20 I explain to our daughter that Daddy loved her very much. she gives me strength to live and I still miss him. I'll see you one day, honey...


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