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Unhappy love

Hey, everybody. It's time for me to write my confession. I didn't tell anyone because I was scared... But I can't do it anymore... Maybe you'd advise what you'd do in my place? I went to the 3rd grade of middle school and was 17 years old (yes, I failed once). I didn't like going there, but that's a different story. Every Thursday I had preparations for Confirmation. It let me forget about school for a while. I met a boy there who was my age, I thought... We started getting to know each other, falling in love. It was something wonderful. He suggested that we be together. I agreed. One day we met by chance at the train station. He came up to me and asked what I was doing here. I said I was waiting for a friend. I got from a leaf to my face so I fell. He yelled he was lying. I cried and ran home. After a few hours, he apologized and invited me to his 30th birthday party. I'm pale on my face. I was dating a guy who was older than me about... 13 years?! I've been trying to get attached to it somehow... It was hard, because I spent two years tiring myself. When I turned 19, he proposed to me. I took this ring, but I didn't wear it. I ran to our mutual friend to advise me. We talked about whether I love him or not. Somebody knocked on the door. A friend asked me to open it. I did, too. I was standing in front of me... I felt him pushing me against the wall, one hand choking and the other beating on my face, "You're cheating on me, chicken**?! YOU FUCKIN' SHIT!!" I don't remember any more. I woke up in the hospital and my parents and my friend were with me. He explained that I fell under the car. I just nodded. I found out later that he was schizophrenic. Three years have passed since that story and I can't tell my parents. From time to time I have trouble catching my breath...

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